Oh, hey Cleaver-bro! How’re things hanging?! It feels like ages- have we really not seen each other since our mutual friend Chance’s birthday party at Mars 2112 in second grade? Absotively no way!
So yeah, like, anyways, Chance was actually talking about you the other day. Yeah man, when we were playing squash we got to talking, and you came up. Yeah so, like, far be it from me to hate on another bro, but Chance accused you of doing something pretty unfathomable. So like, he was saying that you guys were talking, and the topic of sports came up, and you started, like, laughing about sports, man. I just feel like there’s something you need to know.
THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING FUNNY ABOUT SPORTS.
Alright, brokowsky?! So, don’t you go fucking giggling like a little girl, saying all, “oh man, sports are so humorous” and whatnot. BECAUSE THEY’RE MOTHERFUCKING NOT. THEY’RE AS FUCKING SERIOUS AS ELMER FUDD, ALRIGHT?!
There are some things in life that are funny. Cheech and chong: funny. Beerfest: brotastically humorous. Dane Cook: motherfucking hilarious. Scrawny nerds in the weight room: sidesplitting.
Catching the pass from your best bro on the other end, at quarterback: beautiful? Yes. A testament to the love that can only be shared between two tightly bonded dudes? Undoubtedly. Funny? NOT ON YOUR GODDAMN LIFE.
Did Nike sound like he was trying to be fucking funny when he said, “Just do it?” Does the term, “no pain, no gain” mean fucking nothing to you? Because honestly then, I’m sorry, maybe you should just go home to your mommy and play dungeons and dragons and do calculus all day, nerd-turd.
Still laughing about sports? Well at least I’m not the one doing calculus.
Jesus christ. ”Oh man, sports are sooooo funny!” Give me a fucking break.
Editorial Commentary: So, despite the fact that I am serialized, I’ve not updated this bloggarific bloggerspace in the past four days. A reason for this there exists: I was in Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend, and the location at which I took up residency has no internet(s) connection. What about Monday, you ask? I got off work, ate a steak, and went to “bro out” with an individual that I hadn’t seen in a good bit. My apologies to my zero readers.
Oh, also: the second part of my review manifesto should arrive tomorrow. After that, some reviews will go up. Good dayz.
